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October 18, 2007

Sometimes the sordid lives of us city kids can get really, shall we say, distorted and confusing. Everything in NY is wild, crazy and off the chain on a regular basis. That's why I thought that we should have an advice column with questions from my readers answered by a "voice of reason". Who better to be the ultimate voice of reason than a pampered, waspy Connecticut housewife? Ladies and gentlemen I am proud to present "Ask Jocelyn's Mom", a new weekly column where you can get the moral majority answers...or well the Emily Post version of your modern etiquette questions. Feel free to send me your questions by clicking on the contact link to your left and I'll get Mom to answer them for you. Enjoy!

Jocelyn

Ask Jocelyn's Mom

Our first question comes in from a long time reader we'll call Confused in Williamsburg:

Let's Say you sleep with someone at a party, then meet his friends and you like one of them better. How long do you have to wait until you can sleep with the best friend of a random guy you just met at a party? And, does that time period change if there are drugs involved?

Jocelyn's Mom says:
In answer to your most unusual question, a young lady of good background and breeding would not go home with a "random guy." She might flirt at the party with the young man but the most he could expect from her would be to get her phone number! If she met his friends at a later date and felt an attraction to one of them, it would be best to gently explain that although a fine man, she could no longer continue their relationship and would hope they could be friends. If his friend is interested in this fickle young woman, he will have to determine whether or not contacting her would be worth the possibility of losing his friend. As for drugs? I could use an aspirin!

Today's second question comes from a recently relocated reader, Bored In the New City:

Dear Jocelyn's Mom:
When a couple that is already has a history together is trying to arrange a threesome with an unsuspecting, hot, nubile coed, is it OK to pretend that the initial duo is NOT a couple and that it is the first time getting it on together for all parties involved? Or is that considered morally shady?

Jocelyn's Mom Says:
First of all, why is a couple looking at a co-ed woman? Surely she is too young for this couple? All I can say is to remember "two's company, three's a crowd." Keep your personal, intimate life to yourselves. Enjoy your couplehood and keep your eyes, and other parts, away from co-eds! If what you're planning is something you would not want to tell your mother, don't do it.

(Mom & Jocelyn would like to THANK Debbie over at Smitten Kitchen for designing the ULTIMATE banner for this column!)

October 18, 2007 07:20 PM

Comments

Oh my god, that is the funniest thing I have ever read in my entire life. Thanks Mom for all the advice growing up!

Posted by: Lauren at October 19, 2007 12:38 AM

Oh I wish you were there when I was growing up!! Okay, maybe I could have used it last summer... Think of all the trouble I would have avoided (see above questions for examples).

The best advice my mom ever gave me was, "Jill, it only takes one good swimmer." I've lived by that mantra ever since.

Posted by: Jill at October 19, 2007 01:24 AM

Thank God I read that at home. I was laughing so hard! I guess your mom's response to question #2 is that they should approach the threesome as two separate individuals?

The most common piece of advice my parents give us girls is "everything in moderation." It's worked so far!

Posted by: Crystal at October 19, 2007 09:01 AM

"If what you're planning is something you would not want to tell your mother, don't do it."

Joc, I love this. You need a tagline. Welcome, Joc's Mom!

Posted by: deb at October 19, 2007 09:04 AM

As a former contributor to this online forum, I would like to welcome Jocelyn's mom to her new virtual home. I look forward to befuddling her with the messes I continue to make for myself and others around me. You go girl.

Posted by: Tim at October 19, 2007 11:15 AM

Joce, your mom is AWESOME!! I have so many questions for her!!! All my mom does is send me slutty clothes and then pretend I'm a virgin... oh, and pray, a lot...

Posted by: Gertie at October 19, 2007 11:31 AM

Oh Gertie. Just think about how classy you are going to be now that you have my Mom to guide you!

Posted by: jocelyn at October 19, 2007 11:57 AM

Jesus, this is hilarious!

Posted by: rosie at October 19, 2007 12:38 PM

oh my lordy I love your mom. joc, sometimes you are the only bright spot in an otherwise dreary day.

Posted by: Alyxmyself at October 19, 2007 01:20 PM

I can't wait for your mom to add to my worldwide known classiness...

Posted by: Gertie at October 19, 2007 02:16 PM

Well you know, I am here to help. It's pretty dreary here in NY too..... but tonight I am going to see 16 punk bands. That should liven things up a bit!

Posted by: jocelyn at October 19, 2007 02:55 PM

wow! what a relief to know there is still a voice of fine, upstanding moral reason in the world: joc's mom. and for someone who has recently moved to a new city, this only gives lots of great ideas

Posted by: amy at October 19, 2007 05:01 PM

very entertaining.

Posted by: paulie at October 19, 2007 06:37 PM

Finally, someone is out there to back me up. Now I need Joc's mom to explain why it is NOT OK to stack up your empty plates on the table at a restaurant after eating. For some reason, a lot of people disagree with me on this. I consider it barbaric, but my stance is being met with considerable public resistance.

Posted by: Molly at October 20, 2007 06:55 PM

Molly - Thank you for bringing to attention a dining faux pas! You DO NOT stack your dishes on the table. Gauche! The ONLY time this is acceptable is if the table is large and the waitperson cannot reach. Then you can pass them forward when he/she comes to collect the used plates. I don't intend to answer comments but this is a pet peeve.

Posted by: Jocelyn's Mom at October 21, 2007 10:34 AM

Yay!!! I am vindicated. Thank you so much, Jocelyn's Mom! This is one of my pet peeves too!!

Posted by: Molly at October 21, 2007 08:00 PM